Saturday, 5 October 2013

To the woman by the school gates (bad language alert!)

My house
My street
My city
Saturday 5th October, 2013

To the woman I spoke with by the school gates yesterday afternoon,

I thought it wise to follow up our conversation in order to clarify any points which were unclear.  Let us begin at the beginning.  The reason I was on that particular section of pavement at that moment was to meet Noah, my son.  He had been on the same school trip as your child, and Petal and I were looking forward to welcoming him home.  With us was Eli, our sweet friendly dog, who seemed to know there was something going on, although not exactly what that was!

I am aware you were very glad to see your child, demonstrated by unintentionally raising your voice as you lovingly greeted him with you're fuckin' filthy - shud'up an' ged 'ere.  The other parents, many of whom were accompanied by younger family members, are probably glad of this wonderful opportunity to expand their vocabulary.  Certainly it was refreshing to hear your son's equally emotional response - fuck off always brings a tear to my eye when spoken with such genuine affection.

As for the words exchanged by you and I - well, I will endevour to remember in the future that beginning a conversation with excuse me may be taken as proof that I am a fucking posh cunt,  and may be about to stick my fucking nose into something that is none of your fucking business.  Sorry, none of my fucking business.  Which reminds me, I admire the way you managed to use the word fuck no less than eleven times in the few sentences you spoke - such dedication and loyalty to a single word, and so imaginative, using the same root as both a verb fuck off; and an adjective fucking stupid.  I shall try to remember from now on that I'm a fucking idiot as well as fucking ugly and fucking fat.

I would like to take this opportunity to unreservedly apologise that we were in your way, since clearly your need, to pick up your son, was far more important than mine, to pick up my son.  I have explained to Petal that leaving her coat on the ground next to where she was sitting was extremely irresponsible of her, so the marks on it are entirely her own fault.  While some may be of the opinion that since she was on the pavement and you were driving your car on that pavement and ran over her coat, narrowly missing her legs, that you should bear some of the responsibility, but hey, let's not split hairs.


Thank you for reminding me of my proper place as a pedestrian - under the wheels of your car.

Best Wishes

Fucking Posh Cunt


7 comments:

  1. Hilarious to read, not so funny when it was happening I bet. She sounds an absolute diamond, you'll be inviting her around for morning coffee no doubt :D

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    1. Oh yes, certain we're going to be best friends! I was so angry (at the time) that I was literally shaking, but I'm glad I did speak to her all the same - I think I'd be kicking myself otherwise!
      Lucas

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  2. I bet that was therapeutic (husband suggests cathartic...)! Good to get it out of your system. It makes you wonder sometimes, doesn't it?

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    1. There definitely are some strange folk about! I think part of it (on my side) was fear - she'd literally missed my daughter by inches - your mind goes round in 'what if' circles after something like that, you know?
      And definitely cathartic! I tend not to swear too much, but I figured with a warning in the post title people would know what they were getting into... I'm pondering getting a T-shirt with my new name on though...
      Take care Nicola
      Lucas

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  3. I'm sorry but her behaviour sounds ridiculous at the school gates. That was both antisocial and dangerous and witnessed by both adults and young children by the sounds of it. Would you consider reporting it to the police at all? Or the school at the very least, I hate to think her behaving like that and getting away with it - next time the child on the pavement might not be so lucky? I do have experience of dealing with people like her in a professional capacity in a former life, my blog is http://plutoniumsox.blogspot.co.uk/ feel free to get in touch through that if I can help in any way.x

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    1. Thank you for the offer but I'm on it - reported to the school at the time, got names/addresses/contact numbers of the parents around, got her child's name, her car reg/make/model/colour, and it's all been passed to the police - I'll update when I hear back. I appreciate the thought though, that's a very kind offer. School has arranged extra staff to cover classes for Monday/Tuesday next week, so children who saw what happened have the chance to talk it through with familiar members of staff. Have a good weekend!
      Lucas

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  4. People never fail to shock me. That language is terrible and what she did, well that's even more terrible. I am glad to read that it has been passed on to the police, god forbid if it happened again, someone could have got hurt.

    I love the way you wrote out this letter, very cleverly written.

    Thank you for linking up with the Weekend Blog hop

    Laura x x x

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